thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
