I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
