There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
