In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
