You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
