That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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