i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
