i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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