Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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