I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
