Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
