i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
