So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
