I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
