even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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