i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
