Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
