Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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