So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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