Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
