i just wanna soil my oats bro
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
