Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
