Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
