its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
