Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
