Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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