So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There r osticjed everywhere
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
