I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
