I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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