I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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