Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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