well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
