I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
