Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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