I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she told me i tasted like america
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
