I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
