this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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