Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
worst night to have a conscience
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
