No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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