first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
