OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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