I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
