Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
