The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
