Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
