Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
