So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
