I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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