I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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