I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
