im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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