Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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