We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
