How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
